did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
