Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
