at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
