why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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