All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
