I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
