I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
