Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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