Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
