and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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