How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
