My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
