The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaÃt comercial?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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