Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
