Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
