If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
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