I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
