Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
