the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She even gives head with a lisp.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
