I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
