Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Pants are for mortals
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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