You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
