I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
