Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
