So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I am one with the molecules
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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