I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
