my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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