My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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