I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
