What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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