Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
