I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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