thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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