i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
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"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
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THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
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