There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
