how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
