Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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