how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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