Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
