so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
