Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
