Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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