that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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