Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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