my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
