Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
