my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
