did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i think i just lost a toe
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
