so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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