Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
