I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She told me I should be a condom model.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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