no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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