No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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