Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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