did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
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I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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