Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
