he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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