How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I supernannyed him into submission
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
