The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
