I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
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